Tribute

Hola, BS fans. We haven't posted for a few days so I'm gonna keep the content rolling with this little tribute I found on YouTube.

It's Been A Long Time....

We shouldnnnna left you.

Hiya kiddies! Novembeard is in full swing, and we here at BS have been so busy fashioning our facial hair that we haven't gotten at you in a minute.

Whoops! There's Debbie. (c) "The Life and Times of Tim, 2008."

Now for those of you who don't know, that's Tupac adorning the head of our man Hova. (sweet hat). Hov has taken to Novembeard with us, cuz he's the fucking man. Seriously, testosterone running through our bodies and out of our faces makes us cooler than you. Plus his beard is good, no? Check out the progress of all of the Novembeard contestants at http://novembeard.dev.kargo.com/

Mo Blue's Top 10: Top 10 Phonte Coleman Lines

Anyone who has ever discussed music with me knows that I have a serious man-crush on two people: Drummer Zach Velmer from Sound Tribe Sector 9, and Rapper/Singer Phonte Coleman from the hip-hop duo Little Brother. While I have spent hundreds of dollars and weeks of my life following Sound Tribe, I have spent many more hours dissecting Phonte's raps. There are probably better rappers in the history of hip-hop than Phonte, (Big L anyone?) but Phonte is the rapper I can relate to, point blank period. For evidence, I submit my ten favorite Phonte lines for your consideration....You be the judge:

10) "I am retail's nightmare/Young, black and just don't give a fuck/I just want my discount, give it up/20% off slacks and all clothes/I just took this job to spice up my wardrobe" - "Last Day," off the And Justus For All mixtape.

In this track, Phonte kills the Dead Prez feat. Onyx "Last Days" beat (good choice 'Te). He chronicles his time working at a department store by breaking down the way that the different races interact with each other within the store. What ensues is a genuinely hilarious look at racism. What's that? You're not down with racism? It's ok, at the beginning of the track, Phonte can be heard saying "Don't get offended at this track, I'm an equal opportunity racist. I hate all y'all."

9) "And they say that money change you/But money don't change you/It just makes you more of who you already are." - "That Ain't Love" feat. Jozeemo off the Getback album

If you've ever known someone who didn't have dough and then got a little dough, I think you'd probably agree.

8) "One night we was out in my whip/With some broads, just chilling, playing demos and shit/Asked 'em how I sounded rockin' the mic/One chick told me all she listen to is beats, thank God for 9th!/Tryin' to get it pressed on vinyl/Cuz motherfuckers buy your CD, turn around, and don't even know the song title/Like track 2 is hot! But track 6 is long/Ain't even listening, I'm hopin' I get proved wrong." - "The Listening" off The Listening album.

For a long time I felt like this, that no matter how much garbage you spit, as long as you have a good ear for beats, you could be successful in hip-hop. Let's call this "the Dipset Era," because those fools, Cam'Ron especially, made a killing for 3-4 years off of saying nothing over beats like "Oh Boy" and "Down & Out," certified club bangers. In this excerpt, Phonte shouts out 9th Wonder, who was doing all of the beats for the group at the time, and identifies a well-documented problem of the Compact Disc era, when lyrics and songs took a back seat to beats and albums.

7) "Y'all can't do it like 'Te do it/I can't stop, won't stop, like a Ford Explorer without the brake fluid." - "The Get Up" off of The Listening album.

In this line, Phonte turns a tired ass hip-hop cliche (How many times have you heard "can't stop, won't stop" since the 'Puff Daddy' era?) into a slick simile.

6) "Mama was like 'baby, now I hate to see your tears/But I been with your daddy for 'bout 35 years/And in my day I had to turn a blind eye to cheatin'/But I ain't never have to wear no black eyes from beatin's/As long as he doin' right by you and your kids/How you gon' expect that man not to be who he is/I ain't sayin' that it's right/But we often pay the price/Cuz a woman's life is love, a man's love is life.'" - "Breakin' My Heart" feat. Lil' Wayne off the Getback album.

Throughout the Little Brother catalog, there are a few times when it is apparent to me that Phonte came up with a hot line and then worked backwards to set up that line. In this verse, Phonte quotes the mother of his girlfriend while trying to comfort her, basically saying that as long as Phonte takes care of her, she might have to deal with a little infidelity. It all leads up to the best one-liner on Getback, "Cuz a woman's life is love, a man's love is life."

5) "We started making money, doing some traveling/But at home my family live was steady unraveling/Me and old girl wasn't seeing eye to eye, just shacking up laying thigh to thigh." - "Next Day," Hiphopsite.com bonus track.

If you've never been in a slightly dysfunctional relationship where basically the only thing that was working was the sex, you're lucky. 99% of us have, and it sucks. 'Te really strikes a chord with this one.

4) "I take this shit personally/I'm making moves/But this treadmill lifestyle ain't working for me." - "Speed" off of The Listening album.

My life in a nutshell. I fucking scream this line every time I listen to this song.

3) "Ima put it on wax and give you the raw facts and truth about life and the things I'm dealin' with/Black folks saying that I'm too intelligent/And white folks saying I'm a little too n*ggerish/It's got me in a strange predicament/I wish BET and MTV would judge more wisely/But I don't know whats worse/The fact that they ain't playing our shit?/Or the fact that it don't even surprise me?/Because I ain't shuckin' and cuz I ain't jivin'/Some of these crackers won't stand beside me/And cuz I ain't killing and don't support pimping/Some of these n*ggas wanna call me a Cosby/Well? I'll be that dude/I'll scratch that itch/I'll play that role/Call me Heathcliff, bitch!" "Boondock Saints" off the Separate but Equal mixtape.

When Little Brother released its first video off of the Minstrel Show album, "Lovin' It," BET refused to air it. It was widely publicized that BET had issued a press release saying that the video was "Too intelligent" for its viewers. In all fairness to BET, no such press release has ever been located. However, the video never aired until months past the peak of its popularity, and the damage had been done. In this verse, Phonte just shits on those fools, plain and simple. Maybe LB is too intelligent for the 106 & Park crowd.

2) "Used to have a fetish for weed, women, and grapes, and I liked them all seedless." - "On the Way" off The Chitlin' Circuit 1.5 mixtape.

Pure gold. If you don't like this line, you and I probably wouldn't get along.

1) "Sometimes I think I'm from another world/When I'm trying to tell a woman just exactly where I stand at/I want a girl when I want a girl/And when I don't want a girl I want a girl who understands that." - "Slow it Down" off The Minstrel Show album.

Again, pure Michael Phelps. When I first heard this line, I ran it back probably 5-6 times. I've dissected it every way possible, and the fact of the matter is that it's still one of my favorite lines ever.


Did I forget any? Feel free to let me know...

The Life and Times of Tim

If your bored with the same 'ol, same 'ol tv that is out there whether it be those high budget crime dramas, high paid actors doing shitty comedies, or high budget quality cartoon sitcoms, BS has stumbled upon a gem for all those high people. While some people may have been on this for a minute, we just discovered the most recent gem of HBO known as The Life and Times of Tim. LTT brings a refreshing brand of comedy to a network known for pumping quality long-living series'. Maybe its just our sense of humor but we believe this show is comedic gold and you don't even have to sacrifice your attention span. Each show consists of 2 episodes crammed into a 22 minute span (you have to at least put a little effort into your tv watching). It is still in its first season but generally the first season is always the best on these shows so make sure you catch it while everybody thinks they are getting in at the beginning. Enjoy

And Tim's beard is a preview of what Sam's beard will look like by November 25th.

HallowBean

Shout out to the Jamaican Bobsled team for hosting us for an amazing event up there in Boston. Here are exclusive pics of them on their gold medal run.

I See Pride! I See Power!

Looking Ahead

As this election year comes to an end certain things are looking clear. The race for the white house starts earlier and earlier with each turn. I feel like we started nominating candidates in '06 and made up our decisions by '07. So this amigo is going above and beyond my call of duty as a true American. Unlike most uneducated voters I already know who I am going to vote for in '12 and am working on '16. So all you people out there think your too cool are doing yourselves a disservice to your country and you need to get off your asses and educate yoursleves. I am going to keep my votes to myself but if you don't tell me who your voting for and it is different than what i am voting for than you're stupid.


And you better believe I know who I'm voting for in 2020.

The Political Confusor T

Do you ever find yourself frustrated with all the hubbub about the election? Do people constantly ask you "Who are you going to vote for?" "Did you see CNN last night?" "What party are you registered with?" "Did you vote today?" etc. Do you ever wish you could just tell them to shut the fuck up?

We do too. Here at Bulletproof Sombreros, we've created what we like to call...

The Political Confuser T

Sparking indifference, confusion, and aggravation all at once, this T shirt tells political activists right where they can shove that voting machine lever...

NOVEMBEARD

Ladies and Gentlemen, Novembeard is in full swing. Shout out to Jeremy from Kargo for putting this amazing site together that chronicles how good everyone's beard is. While Novembeard may stop me from getting a job for the month of November, it will bring me great satisfaction and more ladies than I can count on one finger. For this I am grateful. So please, bookmark it, set it as your homepage, do what you've got to do to get down. And remember, if you missed out on participating in Novembeard, Mustache March is right around the corner.....

NBA Preview: Celtics @ Rockets, Tonight, 8:30pm

Have fun watching the election tonight, suckas! I can't stand that stupid little U.S. map and the states turning red and blue, it looks like the two candidates are playing a U.S. version of risk or some shit. Come to think of it, that would be a way more interesting way to decide the election than this arbitrary electoral college bullshit. I'd be much more comfortable knowing that our President is capable of running our nation if he knew how to properly allocate all his troops throughout the south and the midwest. So while the rest of the world is glued to Anderson Cooper's 41-year old gray head, I'll be glued to the Celtics @ the Rockets at 8:30pm.

Ever since the Rockets acquired Ron Artest this offseason, there has been talk of a "New Big 3" in the NBA, with Houston following the Celtics' lead in putting together a trio of superstars (Yao, Tracy McGrady, Crazy Pills Artest). Tonight, we get the first match-up of these heavy-hitting triumvirates in Houston. The Celtics are coming off their first double-digit loss of the season to Danny Granger's two front teeth, and with only 3 double-digit losses all year last season, Celtics nation is abuzz with doubt. On the other side of the coin, the Rockets have started 3-0 and Artest has had seemingly no problems gelling with the new squad. Granted, two of the Rockets' wins have come against the Thundahh and the Grizz, but they had one impressive win over Dallas, including an almost-fight between Crazy Pills and the NBA's other side-show, Josh Howard of weed smoking/drag-racing/national anthem-bashing infamy. Celebrity deathmatch anyone? I'd watch.

But tonight's showdown seems to pose a serious match-up problem for the Celtics. Let's turn to the starting lineups:

Rockets:
PG Rafer Alston
SG Tracy McGrady
SF Crazy Pills
PF Luis Scola
C Yao Ming

Celtics:
PG Rajon Rondo
SG Ray Allen
SF Paul Pierce
PF Kevin Garnett
C Kendrick Perkins

Now ideally, the Celtics would have their three best players guarding the Rockets' three best players. But clearly this poses a matchup problem for the C's. How? If KG steps over to guard Yao, that leaves Perkins to guard Luis Scola/Carl Landry. Yikes. Neither of these guys, especially Scola, are lightning quick, but Perk is much slower than both and would get eaten up by either of them. So that leaves Perk on Yao and KG on Scola, which is kind of a toss-up. Both are mismatches, but with Perk coming off a zero point, three-rebound performance in Indiana, the nod goes to the Rockets.

This matchup also makes me miss James Posey. A lot. While Ray-Ray did a decent job defensively against Kobe in the finals last year, McGrady is two inches taller than Kobe and he gets more assists per game. Where Pierce has proven his defensive prowess by locking down LeBron in the Eastern Conference Finals last year, Allen is a shooter, and the team seemed to really get a defensive boost from Posey coming off the bench and locking down whoever the Celtics needed him to defend. Look for Tony Allen to come in early for defensive purposes, which makes sense on paper, but if you ask 10 Celtics fans how they feel about this move, 10 out of 10 will not be comfortable with it.

As for the PG slot, it's a classic match-up of two undersized, under-appreciated ball-handlers who both have playground type skills. Rafer "Skip to my Lou" Alston is a better scorer than Rajon "Everytime you do that behind the back fake pass then take it to the hole for a lay-up I cringe a little bit" Rondo (That's really his nickname, no joke). But Rondo is a better defender, so look for a good match-up in the PG slot.

The benches are pretty even, with a slight nod going to the Rockets for acquiring "Crispy" Von Wafer in the offseason. I mean, how good is that name? Seriously.

Prediction: Rockets, 91 - Celtics, 83

Viva La Hova

We here at BS are real stoked about Mick Boogie's most recent project, "Viva La Hova." This is a fusion of Jay-Z lyrics and beats derived from Coldplay's music. So basically, if you like music, you will like this album. Download it here or listen to it on this page in the sidebar, and set your face to stunned.

Election Day Motivation

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Happy Halloween (BS Style)

Coming to you straight from Boston we are prepping for what is sure to be a spooktacular/drunktastic night put on by our Beantown connection, the boys of Super house. We have only been here for about 20 hours but we have already had an amazing time and this party tonight is looking to be of epic proportions. Yes we realize Halloween was last night but we had re-write the calendar for this one. We will definitely have pics of tonight because we have already been thoroughly impressed by the effort that our amigos have gone through to make this night amazing. All I can say is a bobsled was constructed for this event. The party should be starting soon. If we don't make it out alive just know we at BS love all our faithful readers. That means you Bobby Digital.

P.S. NovemBEARD updates are on their way.